Our corporate elites want us to eat bugs. They want this very, very badly. Like many, I was first very skeptical of this idea, but now I have come around. Here is why.

1. Global inequality would be reduced, as everyone from Southeast Asian peasants to middle-class Americans would now have the same diet.

2. Fewer bugs could stop the pending giant spider epidemic.

3. The Egyptians would only have six Biblical plagues to worry about.

4. The coming population boom will lead to a shortage of “regular” meats like beef, pork, and chicken. It’s best that we lose our taste for these foods before they only become available to the wealthy.

5. Snowpiercer fans will finally be able to LARP in a way that is true to the movie.

6. Without dung beetles, humanity will need a massive amount of sanitation workers to stop our environment from being covered in animal shit. This will give dignified work to millions worldwide.

7. The PETA ads telling us not to eat bugs will be hilarious.

8. Female praying mantises will finally pay for their crimes.

9. We all know that this is the way the simulation is going, so why not lean into it?

10. Centipedes can’t taste any less disgusting than they already look.

Freddie Bastiat is a law student whose real name you’ll find out once Andrew Kacynski doxxes him. He’s a fan of hockey, Yoko Taro games, and restoring the Byzantine and Achaemenid Empires. You can find him on Twitter @Tht_Fat_Bastiat.