Recently, The Washington Post ran an article about the “white nostalgia” behind the backlash to the reboot of Disney’s The Little Mermaid. Hopefully, this song is as funny as that article.

Look at this reboot
Isn’t it neat?
Wouldn’t you think this culture war is complete?
Wouldn’t you think this hot take
This hot take, has everything?

Look at this tweet
Outrage untold
How many opinions can one blue check hold?

Looking around here, you’d think
Sure, she’s got everything
I’ve got hashtags and filters aplenty
I’ve got flame wars and bad faith galore
You want cancellations?
I’ve got twenty (thousand)
But who cares?
No big deal; I want more!

I want to be where the tweeters are
I want to see
Want to see ’em “fightin'”
Trolling around on those
(Whad’ya call ’em?) Keys
Raisin your first you don’t get too far
Memes are required for cultural shifting
Getting approved through a
(What’s that word again?) Board

Up where they yell
Up where they mock
Up where they slave all day for new subs
Shitposting free
Wish I could be
Part of that world

What would I give to find a fresh hot take?
What would I pay to spend a day trolling the cons?
Bet’cha on CNN they’d understand
Bet you they don’t reprimand their journos
Bright young women
Sick of bitchin’
Ready to hate

And ready to know what the shitlords know
Ask them questions
Then give them my answers
Like what’s a witch and why does it
What’s the word? Burn

When’s it my turn?
Wouldn’t I love
Love to have my name with a check above?
Out from shit tweets
Wish I could be
Part of that world

Rachel Haywire is the Founder of Trigger Warning and your hostess for the new insurrection. She is a consultant, author, musician, and model. Currently, she is running for President of the United States under the banner of the United States Transhumanist Party. Her Twitter is @BeyondTheCenter.

Freddie Bastiat is a law student whose real name you’ll find out once Andrew Kacynski doxxes him. He’s a fan of hockey, Yoko Taro games, and restoring the Byzantine and Achaemenid Empires. You can find him on Twitter @Tht_Fat_Bastiat.