I’m not sure if Robert Lambert, director of the brand new “incel horror film” Cuck, is prepared to (pun intended) cuck out and claim that Cuck was supposed to be a comedy like Tommy Wiseau of The Room.

I’ve had this discussion with a couple of friends of mine who claim that Lambert was totally going for the exploitation angle, almost like trying to create a sensational equivalent to the juvenile delinquent films of the 50s, or the biker and hippie pictures of the 60s. With all due respect guys, I highly doubt that Robert Lambert had the self-awareness to do such a thing. It seems like he was trying to make a legitimate character study about an enraged straight, white male, who gets radicalized by the “far-right” and goes on a shooting spree. 

First things first, Cuck is built upon a straw man, a chimera, or Frankenstein monster that was entirely invented by Robert Lambert. The very title of Lambert’s movie is based upon the faulty premise that a “cuck” is a straight, white man who votes for Democrats, especially female ones. Anyone who has done their research knows that “cuck” is short for a “cuckservative,” a term which took the place of “RINO” to describe Republicans or conservatives such as Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio, who seek to soften their rhetoric to appease the left, using such meaningless platitudes as “the Democrats are the real racists” or claiming that “Mexicans are true conservatives.” (in actuality, two-thirds of them vote Democrat in every election)

With this false premise in place, Lambert created a character that was some kind of mashup between a disgruntled mass shooter, generic alt-right video blogger, Men’s Rights Activist, perpetual loser, and borderline retard. He then sent him off on a cringe-inducing and unintentionally funny journey to the film’s inevitable conclusion. 

As a film, Cuck has all the hallmarks of a conventionally bad movie; the dialogue is unbearably goofy; the acting is student project tier; the situations are contrived; the character motivations are puzzling; and there are moments that are downright surreal; as in David Lynch surreal. On top of that, there are several scenes in the movie that are so ridiculous they could be in a John Waters film.

The film’s central character is Ronnie, played by metrosexual Zachary Ray Sherman, who, if the IMDB photograph is any indication, in a reversal of Joaquin Phoenix’s Arthur Fleck, put on a few pounds to get into character. (God forbid an “incel” be physically fit) Ronnie watches generic alt-right videos on YouTube in his spare time. His hero appears to be a mashup of Richard Spencer (the hair) and Gavin McInnes. (the mustache) He lives with his sickly mother (Sally Kirkland), who he takes care of in-between constantly whining about how “immigrants run the show.” (I thought it was the globalist elites who run the show, while the immigrants are used as mere pawns… oh, forget it!) Ronnie is prone to hilarious temper tantrums and jerks off incessantly. I’m not kidding here; there are like five or six scenes of Ronnie jerking off in this movie. 

I mean, Lambert must have really wanted to drive home the point that Ronnie jerks off. It’s not nearly enough for Ronnie to lecherously stare at girls (holy male gaze, people!) or to have him just watching commando porn in which topless girls run around with machine guns; Lambert really wants us to know that Ronnie likes to jerk off. Maybe Zachary Ray Sherman lost a bet to Robert Lambert and was thus forced to humiliate himself in this movie, because he does over and over and over again.

Aside from jerking off, what else does Ronnie do? Let’s see here! 

Ronnie gets a job at a liquor store working for Arabs, and then gets fired for calling them “sand niggers.” This is not before getting the shit kicked out of him after he calls a group of thuggy black dudes the same thing, (without the “sand” part) and telling them to go back to Africa; all because they were loitering in the store parking lot, and Ronnie didn’t think to tell his supervisors in the first place, ya know, because he’s retarded.

He buys some guns.

He tries to hit on a girl waiting for a bus and then calls her a bitch because she tells him to fuck off.

He scrubs his mother down while she’s lying in a bathtub in a nauseating scene that would be a perfect fit for a John Waters film.

He acts in cuckold porn in a bizarre attempt to win the heart of a white trash, middle-aged porn actress (Monique Parent), who is married to an Aryan brotherhood member turned heroin addict, which eventually leads to him getting a load of black man jizz in his face in a scene that feels like something out of a David Lynch film. Actually, that would be too complimentary. Let me fix that; in a scene that seems as though it was inspired by something out of a David Lynch film but poorly executed.

Ronnie goes on a date with cute as a button liberal arts student and proceeds to offend her minutes into their date by blurting out the Men’s Rights Activist manifesto. What is curious about this scene is that it almost seems as though Lambert is poking fun at the typical SJW feminist college student, who Ronnie correctly points out, wasted money on a pointless liberal arts degree. After all, she is listed in the IMDB credits as “Hipster Girl.” But no! I won’t give Lambert that much credit. He wants the audience to take “Hipster Girl” seriously. What’s even odder about this scene is how easy it was for Ronnie to find such an attractive date on a dating website in the first place; he literally messaged her, and she messaged him back in the affirmative. As a veteran of the dating site scene, this never happens!

Ronnie is forced to dip into his mother’s checking account to pay for sex he had with the middle-aged porn actress after she seduces him. When his sickly mother finds out where her funds have been spent, she finds the strength to leave her house and physically attack the porn actress in yet another scene that could have been pulled from a John Waters film. This breaks with the film’s “serious” tone and again made me wonder if Lambert was, in fact, trolling us. If so, where is the PC brigade to complain about how this movie belittles the elderly?

He strangles his mother to death. 

As par for the movie’s course, he shoots some people. Now trust me, it is nobody that you will care about. The only time in the movie where I felt like I cared about anybody was during the scene in which Ronnie films himself at the beach; his character magically adopts a third dimension beyond “terminally angry.”  I would say it gave the film some gravitas beyond just being something to goof on, but then he undresses to his whitey tighties. So much for that.

One review of Cuck reads,“Forget Joker, Cuck is the most terrifying incel film ever made.” I say, “Forget The Room. Cuck is one of the most terrifyingly bad, unintentionally funny, repeat watch cult films ever made.” If the left ever gets a sense of humor again, this will be a huge midnight movie.

Edwin Oslan is kind of a troll and wears out his welcome pretty quickly. He has been the host of various podcasts on music, film, and politics. Edwin thinks it still looks cool to wear a button covered motorcycle jacket, and recently left the urban cesspool known as Los Angeles.