As a non-proselytising MGTOW, who seeks no converts but is open about the truth as I see it, I have found that offering up information without being emotionally invested in the choices people make based on it is, ironically, a fairly successful method of changing minds.
I am not an MRA, but do see the validity in the MRA perspective and share many of their concerns. I’ve found that the raising of men’s issues is repeatedly met with the retort: “you sound just like a feminist”. The accusation used to make my blood boil. I would be prompted to soliloquise extensively about how MRAs are inherently different from feminists. That MRA talking points had merit, that data was on their side. As compared to feminists who exaggerate, misrepresent or entirely invent problems – then propose immoral solutions with no basis in reality. I expended time and energy, defending myself and my brothers and sisters in arms against this (triggering) charge. Rarely did that exercise change anyone’s mind. Then, after some reflection on the matter, I had an epiphany.
The reason that people make the connection is because it’s superficially true. Consider the following two claims: the eternal feminist belief that “we live in a patriarchal society” as opposed to the MRA idea that “we live in a gynocentric society”. Those sentences are identical, bar one word. To the (wilfully or otherwise) ignorant conversation partner; the claims express an equal and opposite dynamic. Unfortunately, whilst ignorance of the true state of gender relations as well as both the systemic and innate human responses to people of each sex remains high – so that MRA perspectives are instinctively dismissed – MRAs will forever be saddled with the “you sound like them” argument.
The comparison is inescapable. It is not a question of which position is right, and which is wrong. It’s an issue of optics. If you appear to sound alike, no matter what is being said, you sound just like them. To avoid as much, MRAs would have to radically change their method of delivery, their presentation of facts. Re-write the whole book from page one, while keeping the core of the argument intact.
Ultimately though, it just doesn’t matter. MRAs may sound like feminists in a technical, linguistic sense – but that’s where the comparison ends. Keeping a cool head when someone invokes the ultimate insult is an invaluable skill in discourse and a gracious, modest but secure response that does not allow the conversation to be derailed is the best solution. Becoming defensive can counter-productively convince people that the accusation is not unfounded. Far better is to clarify your core messages and know where to point to prove that what you’re saying is valid, keep debate civil and simple and don’t fixate on winning arguments. Be sensitive to the difficulty that people have swallowing red pills, don’t try to force it down their throats – just drop a couple at their feet and let them choose what to do with them. Knowledge is a sustainable power whose seeds can be planted – and then left to grow independently.
The “you sound just like them” argument is simply an observation of your delivery. It doesn’t delegitimize your argument. And, after all, there’s something beautiful in people using comparisons to feminists as an insult – it means we’re at least half way there!
Born in 1979 and raised in the Northeastern US, Jeff Gagnon is an avid disc golfer, a lifelong gamer, a skilled player of chess and star wars X-wing, and a father of 1. MGTOW for 7 years, after a string of relationships that ended badly including an ugly divorce post-which, despite losing a lot, Jeff was informed that he’d “got off easy”… Decided if that was getting off easy, he wants no part of getting off not easy. Despite his experiences, Jeff is MGTOW because of the math and the statistics, not because of some negative emotional state towards women. A Trump supporter, he enjoys documentaries and constantly learning. Favorite movies: “Pulp Fiction”, “Full Metal Jacket”, and “The Red Pill”. Favorite band: Metallica. Jeff’s mantra can be summed up with the words of a great comedian, Ralphie May, “I am not politically correct, I am just correct”.